How to THRIVE As An International Student (Grades Don't Matter) - w/ Bhushan

I'm Naman Pande. This is the Ready Set Do podcast. And in this episode, my guest is Bhan Choule. At the time of recording, Bhan is a graduate student at Purdue University studying engineering management. And the topic of our conversation today is actually something that is grossly overlooked in study abroad circles. Getting a good job and saving a ton of money is obviously critically important. But in our mad dash to do so, we often overlook the simple things that take our experiences as international students in foreign lands to the very next level. Things like how does one move to a new city for an internship or a job, how to find housing, how to build social relationships and date, going about differences in work culture between India and America, understanding core

India and America, understanding core American values, and last but not least, underrated money-saving hacks. The reason why I came for masters is to get a global perspective on how people are. What do they live like? How do they live like what are their goals like at the risk of jifying everything like Indians do? Another suggestion would be meet up.

Another suggestion would be meet up. Meetup is pretty common in US have one friend who's not from that same community because do you ever have meals just by yourself or do you normally go to these places with people? Okay. Yeah. No, like I'll have meals by myself all the time. That's so interesting. Can you talk me through that? I don't know what you mean by that. In line with our theme of learning from somebody who's just a few steps ahead of us, my goal with this episode is to leave you at least with some appreciation for why your study abroad experience in the US is not just incomplete but actually completely hollow unless you immerse yourself in at least some intangible or soft culture aspects of the foreign country that you're in. Subscribe on YouTube and any of your favorite podcast apps for weekly episodes featuring high agency

episodes featuring high agency individuals and daily clips from those episodes on YouTube and Instagram. And now without any further ado, here's Bhan. Bhan. Welcome to the only podcast in the world featuring stories of high agency individuals who are just a few steps ahead of us. Bhan, welcome. Thank you so much. Nice to nice to finally be here. I know we've been yeah planning this for a while now but yeah really happy to make it work finally um and you know as we were discussing offline you are somebody that well for starters doesn't get jet jetlagged but also has moved around a decent amount and I know um a lot of the international student experience really boils down to just uprooting your life and moving right and obviously a lot of us have maybe a lot of our listeners

us have maybe a lot of our listeners watching would have already taken that step to from to the US, right? That's obviously the first move of them all. But once we get here, that's not where it ends, right? So, be it for internships or full-times or whatever the case might be, there is still a lot of moving that happens. And I've done it a few times. You've obviously done it. And I just think that like everybody gets by, you know, no, I've never heard anybody be like, "Oh, I could not move." you know, like you don't hear that, but there are definitely like right ways and efficient ways to go about doing things versus just like winging it.

just like winging it. So, that's kind of what I want to jump off with here for you. I know you recently made the move for your internship to really Durham. That's I know where that's where Duke is. So, do you kind of want to walk us through um before you actually made the move, right? How did you figure out like let's start with the most basic stuff, right? So, housing um I know in my time and I'm kind of dating myself here, but uh we used to go to like Facebook groups that that was like the go-to place for that.

that was like the go-to place for that. So, yeah, just curious to kind of figure out how you went about planning your move before you actually, you know, um executed it. So I mean a couple of things that you could do here as an international student is like obviously the Facebook groups kind of helps but there's like recently there's been a lot of cases where you really can't trust someone on just on like a Facebook group. group. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Or something like that. So uh first thing is that yes uh but then there are also other uh housing uh websites that you can take a look at. So I took a look at this website called slea.com. S U L E K H A. Uh so that is kind of famous in uh

Uh so that is kind of famous in uh Raleigh Darham side. Uh wherein you can just go there and look for housing and then get on a call with uh people and then do like a video call and see if you take a look around if you like the house or not and most times or not. And at least in uh Raleigh Darham uh a lot of Indians have bought these houses and they're renting it out like single single rooms to people. So that's the second thing I did and I think I asked a Purdue alum purm alumni and uh he kind of suggested me around and say saying that okay hey just check this out and if I bring something else

I bring something else uh around that area I'll let you know. So So these websites are available and I think that's kind of getting uh very very I don't know like very very digital at this stage wherein you can just go online and figure it out and see tours and such because that's cool. I didn't have an option ever to watch any like online tours. Yeah, that just did not exist until 2022 at least. So like that is one website. Second is uh that there are a lot of websites. I don't remember the name exactly but that's fine. Yeah, we can link them later. Yeah, if you if you happen to remember them and you can send them to me. me. So that's the second thing. Third is uh I know for a fact that given even if you're an international student or not,

you're an international student or not, I know for a fact that there will be people from your college who are living in that area. So reaching out to them could be the third option. Yeah, that's a good point. And then so do you prefer to live alone when you when you're making these moves or is it preferable for you to have a roommate so that way at least you have another person in the house or do you have any thoughts on that? So it depends person to person. For me I kind of like having people in the room uh so that I can come back and talk to them or uh in general just have someone to talk to. uh it kind of goes easier because

to. uh it kind of goes easier because for me it was a shift in a different uh into a different city where I didn't know anything about the city. Yeah. Yeah. So uh when I chose that chose it that way and I kind of didn't want to stay with with uh let's just say Indians for that particular period of time because I I've stayed with Indians all my life and I wanted to stay with someone who wasn't.

wanted to stay with someone who wasn't. So I found this person through a friend of mine and she was subleasing a room in her own house and I then ended up staying with her. So when I went there it was kind of easier because she was someone who went to NC State and then she knew the places around. So when I wanted to go around I could ask her and if she was free we could go together uh and stuff like that. that. Yeah, I've had a similar experience. So, I moved to Louisville, Kentucky, which for better or for worse is a um much smaller I don't know if smaller is the right word, but

right word, but there's not I mean, first of all, there's Indians everywhere, right? Let's face it. But there weren't a lot of Indians there. So, and I agree with what you're saying in that it does help not only to have to to not live alone, right? because then you're just scratching your head at 2 a.m. figuring out what you're doing in life. But also to your point around, you know, Indians in our case, I do think definitely helps, right? Cuz you know, you they give you like a lay of the land. Um I remember the day I moved in.

Um I remember the day I moved in. So it was like a 3-hour drive for me. And again, because it's Louisville, right, you have to have a car. I I actually had to purchase a car specifically for that because you cannot do anything in Louisville without a car or really any small town in America, right? There's just you will never get anywhere without one.

you will never get anywhere without one. And I remember my the person that I was going to room with, he had uh just like made some rice and dal for me and it was just like a small gesture, right? He probably didn't even make it for me. He just like had some extra. But it was such a like welcoming gesture for me.

such a like welcoming gesture for me. It's still something that I remember. It was something that I was like so grateful to not have to make my first meal the day after I, you know, moved for the first time, drove on the interstate by myself. Very, you know, stressful experience across the board there. So, yeah, definitely agree with that. And then in terms of um I guess as far as rent and such go, do you do you kind of optimize for like paying the least amount, paying like a decent amount, what what should be the you know thought process around rent optimization and we we'll just say lifestyle I guess. Yeah. So I mean it kind of depends again person to person but even like on the

person to person but even like on the most average aspect right now in US at least for Purdue uh which is in West Lafayette Indiana again a very small town uh the rent even there has become around uh on an average of 650 to 850 that's great that let that let that be wherever you say let that be uh and in this scenario this is what the bend that I'm talking about is for an unfernished flat so might as I'll just take a $1,000 rent and just do a furnished flat because there's logically no sense here if you want to stay uh and bring things in by yourself and move it around uh and stuff like that. So I think at this stage you don't really have a choice. you have to have that 600 to 900

choice. you have to have that 600 to 900 range range uh in terms of the rent. And then if you are lucky enough uh you find a place which is near to the office which was my case where for me it was5 to 7 per ride uh to the office which is barely anything. Yeah. Like if I have to compare it to getting a car I would have I would definitely prefer spend dollars per ride. uh because car is definitely costlier. You have to have the car insurance. You have to start the EMI for the car instantly and stuff like that. Uh so that is something that I knew coming in that okay I'm not getting a car. I was kind of very excited about it but then I'm

of very excited about it but then I'm like okay it doesn't make sense. Uh I do have a license but I just didn't make sense. And um on on like a very uh other than the rent perspective I feel like uh the food becomes very very cheaper. Uh because what you could do there are very various options. You could go to Costco and get it for like a good month on like a one Sunday and then you're sorted. So that kind of costs around like anywhere between $100 to $150. Correct. Correct. Which is again very not very expensive to be very honest when you're definitely. Yeah. Um couple things there. Sorry. Yeah.

Um couple things there. Sorry. Yeah. Just a couple things wanted to add there was firstly uh one thing that I realized um around what you were saying around that you don't want to lug around a mattress right because that's just stupid like let's not do that what I found was most towns will have like first of all most towns have universities right that's just obvious but around these universities they have a bunch of student housing so this is not linked to the university but it's just like capitalism right so they come up with housing near these colleges that have usually furnished apartments.

have usually furnished apartments. And again, it's not the most snazziest apartment you'll ever go to, but you walk in and there's a bed there. There's like all of your basic there's a desk chair set up. Like all of your essentials that you need are just, you know, already kind of they come out of the box for you. So, that was one thing that I um I found out on my second iteration uh to Louisville cuz I moved back and forth a couple times because of just some random logistical problems that we don't need to get into. So that was the one thing and around the car I do think what you're saying makes total sense. Um but I will say just maybe just

sense. Um but I will say just maybe just you know another hack on that was um I paid a total of $5,000 for my car car and I still drive it and I this this was an investment I made in December of 2020 and I think the way to do that is again definitely got lucky. I'm not saying everybody has uh can shot do it but it is possible right? So instead of going to a dealer, you should always try to buy it from a person like this can be a friend, this can be yeah, anybody that you know, right? And so not only did I not have to pay EMI for years on end, but first of all, it was something that I could have paid off

was something that I could have paid off immediately, but my friend was kind enough to let me pay him in like 5 months of installments of like $1,000 each. each. And that was something that really helped me. And I think that same car would have cost way more if I had just gotten that through a you know car dealership. dealership. So maybe something to keep in mind uh you know for for the students watching but sorry before I cut you off what were you saying? No, no, I agree on that.

you saying? No, no, I agree on that. Like following up on that, uh I actually didn't know about the car. The fact that you can just go on Facebook Marketplace and just talk to someone and be like, "Hey, are you willing to like negotiate and come down to like 5,000 6,000?" But yeah, I agree. That could have been the option. Uh but again, like I don't for me, I feel it was too short and too soon. And I'm sure you don't know if if that's the best choice. Yeah. And also, you didn't have to, right? That's exactly like it's a choice. It's a choice choice for me. Was it really a choice? Yeah.

for me. Was it really a choice? Yeah. Yeah. Like I mean for Raleigh Darham also to be very honest it's such a small it's not a small town but given the fact that uh most of the uh roads over here are so longer and so wider in comparison. You don't see anybody taking a bike or a bicycle uh at least and I'm just like okay how do you like how do you get out? And then that's when I realized that every single house had at least two to three cars and that meant that every person in the house had a car. Interesting. And to follow up on the second point that you mentioned that student housing yes it helps but most

student housing yes it helps but most times what happens is that uh it's for students who are and from that around the colleges around there. Mhm. and this but like to add on to that what also happens is like NC State has these Tuesdays wherein they uh have this place and like in basically like a ground area wherein they everyone in NC State whoever wants to just like donate stuff for free you can you just can go there and figure out if you want anything from there if you're living alone if you're building your house for the next 6 months 8 months one year you can do that and every college has that it's just not NC State I went to Duke also and Duke has that as well So

Duke also and Duke has that as well So couple of options there too. Amazing. Yeah, that's such a good call out. Something to keep in mind, right? Because I Yeah, I do agree most cities do have systems like that, right? That, you know, one can leverage. Um safety, right? Let's let's talk about safety. Um obviously probably, you know, should have started with that given how important it is cuz none of any of this matters if you're literally, you know, in harm or, you know, something bad happens. So any uh anecdotes any you know thing that you would like to share around how we can be safe at all times especially obviously in public places. I will just to like get the ball rolling I will mention that one of the side effects of living in university housing in Louisville was

university housing in Louisville was like that area was definite. So you can imagine like just imagine like a map and imagine there's like a vertical line that divides the west and east side of the city and the west side is where you don't want to be like and I was right on that line basically. So definitely heard some things heard and and like heard other stories. One friend of mine in the apartment that I was visiting, separate apartment, not mine thankfully, pointed to a gunshot hole on the ceiling from apparently a party a few years ago.

from apparently a party a few years ago. So again, you know, you first of all, please do your own research, figure out where you're headed, what's going on. But yeah, I'm I'm, you know, just curious if you have any anecdotal examples or anything you keep in mind personally to be safe and secure. No, like I feel like yes, that is true. uh like even Darham for that matter no matter how no matter if Duke is there there are so many cases so many places which are right next to Duke and they're pretty unsafe and a lot of stories come out from that perspective talking I think talking to people helps a lot because you know you just ask them or do you just I mean like my roommate obviously and then then I used to go to the office and uh for

I used to go to the office and uh for like the first week u I I used to be very open about it that hey I'm new here I just got Here I go to Purdue which is in Chicago near Chicago. Yeah. Yeah. And I have no idea what here what and what could I do here. Uh so do you have any suggestions where to go where not to go and most of my uh colleagues uh in my previous co-op uh were pretty helpful. So I literally made a list of things and went down okay I can go here I cannot go there alone I cannot go there in an Uber and uh yeah I think you just you just need

uh yeah I think you just you just need to talk to people and most times I I feel like a lot of times things are just in your head and uh if you feel like oh I I don't think I can ask this question I have asked such dumb questions to my roommate and she's like are you serious like is that a real problem for you And I'm like, uh, well, yeah. And and the first problem was I didn't know how to use a dishwasher because I didn't do that in the 4 months that I was there because I never really ate at my house. I was working in a uh part-time uh which was a Chipotle competitor. And then I used to get my

competitor. And then I used to get my lunch and dinner there every single day. So I was like, okay, what why do I need a dishwasher? And the first day, second day, I just randomly just start. I didn't even know where to put things. So, I just like filled up the sink and then she just made like like the most easier way would have been just filling up the the dishwasher dishwasher and I'm like, "Okay, but how do you use it?" She's like, "Are you serious?" So, like they won't judge you, but like you just need to be very open about ask. Yeah, I like that. Just be proactive, right? Figure out your map in your own head before you start to find yourself in any place that you would not want to be. um on that continuing down that road

be. um on that continuing down that road I guess um interpersonal relationships with uh I guess co-workers and such. So obviously you've had the experience of working both in India as well as now in the US. Um what can you tell us about maybe some differences when it comes to work culture. So obviously the basic ones I'm sure most of us will realize.

ones I'm sure most of us will realize. Um actually I I'll stop mudding the waters and yeah I'll just let you let you answer that. No, I think when I joined it was very very different because like I think over here in like in India it's it's way more uh personal. When I say personal it means that uh you spend a lot of time with people the culture is the same uh you know where like when you know who your manager is or who your partner is or who your buddy is in the uh company you know where they come from you know what their culture is. You know there are things that you can bond on and then you just figure out away from there. But in US what happens

away from there. But in US what happens is that you're you really don't know the culture at all. Your manager could be someone from the north of the United States or the south of the United States and they come from a very different culture. They probably uh don't want to hang out together during lunch. They don't want to hang out at all in general maybe and they just want to do work to work to work. And I think over there as well, the first thing my manager said and I told her as well in my one-on-one is that I if I don't know anything, I'm just going to be very blunt and I asked about it

about it and she's like, "Yeah, that's literally what we encourage." And uh I made sure that I asked her every single thing. I asked her if that are there group lunches, are there team meetings, are there as simple as are there team outings? And uh that's I think that's one of the flexibility that my manager gave me which really really helped because I didn't use that only just to make friends or make like work with colleagues. I used that in terms of asking for projects and asking for suggestions, asking for constructive feedback, criticism etc etc. So I think over there as well you just need to set up a line wherein at least in general for every international student and let's just stick to that because I am an international student. Mhm.

Mhm. Being very very blunt but in like the most professional way I think goes a long long way because you get to know straight up ahead as to what to do what not to other than figuring it out by yourself which is very very difficult and takes a lot of time. uh I realized that quite later actually but if I would have realized that in my first semester I think I would have had a different trajectory uh but I think that's the best advice that I could get give everyone be very very direct in what you want but in the most professional way possible possible I really like that because and the reason is it's so deeply ingrained in American culture itself you know so just the notion of where again like for Americans even if it's somebody that's in their family right so like I don't

in their family right so like I don't know if you if my brother does something for me. I was never trained to explicitly say thank you, I appreciate that, right? It's something that we just take for granted almost, which I mean there's nothing wrong with that. Like that's just a c cultural thing, right? But I feel like over here obviously you it's everything's so vocal. Like unless you say it exactly, it didn't happen.

you say it exactly, it didn't happen. And I love that you kind of connected that dot with the professional relationships as well because how how is your manager supposed to know what you're thinking unless you you know draw that line in front of her which is why yeah I think that's a wonderful call out where yeah just be super direct when in doubt just ask right and probably that is the usually the best move. Now there's a way to overdo that right and be you know super obnoxious and annoying. Please don't do that. We're not we're not encouraging anybody to be you know that person. Nobody likes that person, right?

person. Nobody likes that person, right? So, obviously use your agency, but yeah, when it's like an actual real life doubt, yeah, please go ahead and ask. That also reminds me of my of my own manager actually at my internship who was this South African person who I had, you know, I had never interacted with a person from South Africa before, like in real life. And yeah, he was just very different from any manager I'd ever had up until that point. um you know just some borderline questionable things you know you know how just some people have no filters and in like in a really good way he meant really well but but it took me a while to get used to and I I used to at first be like

and I I used to at first be like well you can just say that and the answer is no you cannot you should not right but you still have to to your point that you're still an international student maintain professional boundaries while still being authentic right there is a way to do both of those things So really good call out there. And then as far as um so we covered, you know, like the moving stuff, we covered work stuff. stuff. Um outside of those two things, say it's like a Thursday evening, right? You've just come back from work, you you find yourself in a new city, you've spent maybe we'll say two weeks here so far. So in your case, in both our cases, we have our roommate, right? Let's pretend that they're doing

Let's pretend that they're doing something. They're busy, right? They don't want us around. What are some ways or what are some avenues that you would tap into to obviously because humans are social animals right we we can't just work sleep and repeat like you need some interaction need some things to do so yeah what were some of the avenues that you tapped into to you know just full like fill color into the social aspects of your life yeah surprisingly I'm not even going to joke about this like one of my very good friends in Darham I met him on Bumble BFFs. Oh wow. It's not a joke. That is incredible. Wow.

That is incredible. Wow. I was like, "Okay, let's" and I was not like I was dating back then, so I was I really didn't care about that aspect, but I was like, "Okay, let's try the whole BFF kind of concept." And I'm like, "Okay, cool." And then surprisingly, he this person also is Indian and an international student. So when I was like going through profiles, I'm just like, "Okay, hey, let's just see who this dude look." and and I I did that based upon a couple of intuitions that I had based upon the profile and stuff. And then we just clicked and we met at this Amstad Park which met and we met at this Amstad Park which is uh near uh UNC which is another college in NC State in NC sorry. And uh

college in NC State in NC sorry. And uh beautiful beautiful day like we just met and I just literally just started ranting and I'm like okay dude what the hell was that? Like what happened yesterday? I don't understand like this. I was doing this and I was doing that and then I was and then somehow my managers went like XYZ and then I'm like what like what do you want me to do? And then interesting interesting this person has been in the United States for the last uh I would say five years or something and uh is now working in NC uh and he knew all about all of the rantings that I could do and then it just wiped and we

I could do and then it just wiped and we just wiped and then it just went ahead from that. Like the first suggestion would be definitely try that out because there are so many people who want to talk and just chill and hang together and I'm pretty sure uh they didn't they don't just do that because they're bored. They obviously do that with that intention that okay I want to meet genuine people and yeah 100% right and let that be and most things what most times or not what happens in US is that you don't expect to meet every single day you can't just be like oh I have this best friend and I meet them like every other day and yeah I think that's just adult thing right yeah it's it's hard anywhere I feel like you know not just even in the

feel like you know not just even in the US but yeah go on like I used to meet them meet that person like every week and I guess or every other weekend and be like, "Hey, what you doing? Do you know any other new spot?" And since he was from here, it kind of made my life easier to understand and figure out, okay, where to go next. Mhm. Mhm. Secondly, I was I started gyming uh with I told you I had a person who was from PeruM who was my senior. So, we started gyming together, right? right? So, uh he was here for the last 8 months. So, he showed me around. He we went to the most coolest of places in Raleigh that I could even I could never even think about. And I was like, "Okay, damn, that's crazy."

damn, that's crazy." And uh in the gym, what happened is that we were wearing Purdue shirts and someone else was wearing a some other university shirt and we just went like, "Oh, okay. Same mentality. Let's start a conversation." And then my friend did and then surprisingly we met again and then we kept meeting somehow somehow and then that ended up being a a good friendship as well like those that person ended up being my second friend in NC third friend in NC. So couple of things like these that kind of go a long way I guess. Yeah, I think the pattern that I'm picking up here is um firstly go do interesting things in interesting places, right? And probably there are other interesting people doing similar interesting things in that same

similar interesting things in that same place. And obviously that's at least a baseline for connections to form. Um in my case, unfortunately, maybe I this is something I could have done. I guess I never really tried the whole Bumble BFF or even just I feel like even if you just go on LinkedIn, whatever school you're on or in and then if you just have like a filter and search for people in that area, that could work, right? I feel like that will definitely yield results. I also didn't do that. So, I guess I'm I'm a dummy. But what I did think of doing was so like I I like playing soccer. So I was like, I want to be, you know, not

was like, I want to be, you know, not hold up in this apartment the whole time, right? And at the time, I didn't I didn't used to go to the gym at all. It's not something I used to do or even care about, right? So in my case, I ended up joining this soccer league. You there's I'm sure there are leagues in every city in America. I can almost guarantee you. And also this isn't limited to soccer, right? Whatever you play. play. Now, if you don't play any sports, we'll get to that. But I'm assuming you play at least or like to play at least one sport. sport. So in my case, that was where pretty much every Sunday there used to be a game. And all of these leagues, right,

game. And all of these leagues, right, they have this. So you can make a team if you have a group of friends obviously, but if you don't, you can sign up as an individual, which is super clutch because obviously I don't have a team to make here. So, and then the other good thing about that is because these are now an entire team of individuals, individuals, they probably don't have other friends either, which means that, you know, after a game, you can hang out, you know, like you can grab a drink, you can do whatever or even before.

do whatever or even before. So, that was something that really helped me in my first iteration in Louisville. And then in the second iteration, I think this is probably because of COVID or something, I don't know. But um I basically taught myself how to play tennis. tennis. Oh, actually hold on. This was the first iteration and that's why there was no soccer because they weren't having soccer at the time uh in spring of 2021.

uh in spring of 2021. So yeah, but tennis doesn't need you to be close to anybody, right? So I just used to go on Facebook groups or around like tennis in Louisville and you know just go play with people. Uh sometimes it was good, sometimes it was bad cuz I was really bad. Mostly I was the problem. But then as I got better, I got to meet so many people through through that. But yeah, I do think in terms of a takeaway here, figure out interesting things to do, please. Right. I feel like that's not that shouldn't be an unpopular thing to say.

unpopular thing to say. And uh going back, if you don't play sports, um recently I found found out that they have these group thingies where you can like go do bowling, you can go do play ski ball, and like go at an arcade. And now I think there's even companies that will set up strangers that go to dinner. I think it's called time left, something like that. So again, I think it's it kind of just boils down to intent, right? Like if you really want to put yourself out there, there's a few different ways. Yeah. Yeah. Um to do that. M um any other uh I guess uh just maybe anecdotal things or really any notes around anything that you did that made your experience much better than it would have if you had not done that

would have if you had not done that thing. It really can be anything. Yeah. Like before I get to that another suggestion would be meet up. Meetup is pretty common in US. Yes. and as simple as getting on a hike or like just running out there and it's kind of free so like you can just figure it out and then go there but to close that loop I feel since you're new to the area if you're not someone who can just go and start a random conversation be like hey do you want to go play pickle ball together uh build your connections at a new place based on familiarity it can be based on people who you work with I said I was working with people who were directors they were like 10 years was way ahead in

they were like 10 years was way ahead in their time and obviously had other priorities. So I couldn't have done that. Uh so nobody in my office was that approachable and be like okay let's just hang out together and see what what's around. But yeah uh other than that on like a call out which kind of changed my entire trajectory uh and my experience would have been to not think about um money aspect as much and I still saved a lot. I'm not even kidding. kidding. Nice. But that kind of bounds you uh in certain ways saying that okay hey you know I cannot uh do that I have like certain things to get to I have certain

certain things to get to I have certain things to bills to pay to and stuff but you need to give yourself that limit or on like a weekly basis that okay hey now I'm at least doing a co-op and I'm I'm earning uh as simple as a good coffee place as simple as a good dinner place and stuff like that because portion size in US is a a lot like you can eat for three meals in three days if you budget it out loud.

three days if you budget it out loud. So I think that is one suggestion that I would give and I have given that to anyone who's starting new let that be an international student or not. Uh it kind of changes the ballpark. Uh I would say uh do you ever have meals just by yourself or do you normally go to these places with people? You do?

to these places with people? You do? Yeah. No like I'll have meals by myself all the time like I Yeah. Can you talk me through that? So, this is something that I've been trying to do for a really long time now actually and without success. So, like how how do I break that barrier in my head? head? I don't know what you mean by that. But but okay, let me let me give you my entire process. Yeah, please. So, I I feel like no matter if I'm working, if I'm not talking to anybody uh in the entire day or not, I don't really care. But the lunch and dinner time is like a me time for me personally.

time for me personally. Okay. And I use that to just wind down, chill, stay by myself, have a good meal, take half an hour to finish like one burger, but I will take that time by myself and go watch my most favorite shows because that kind of gives me and comes back to me in terms of my ground reality. Totally. And that that kind of helps me stay there. But uh I used to do that. So like I used to do that all day every day. Uh that's what I'm saying like lunch in office which for me was like a very different concept in India.

different concept in India. I used to do that by myself here. Uh and I'm just like okay that's weird. And uh but like to go through it I would suggest that what I I started doing is I went on Google and I went like okay hey what shows can I watch in that perspective where I could utilize that time to upskill myself or just see what's out there uh see different genres expand my genres and stuff uh but I wouldn't say that I do that every single day uh but I what I'm trying to get at at is that that time is just like a me time I need it to be alone Uh there could be days where I plan it out like I

could be days where I plan it out like I used to cook for my uh roommate because she was like oh I like Indian can you can you mix it up and like cool let's just do one or two Sundays in a month and I used to do that and uh I used to definitely go out with friends and all and I genuinely appreciated that conversation.

appreciated that conversation. Uh but yeah I think I don't know I mean like my specific question to you would be what is uh it that you don't seem to be okay with? Yeah. Yeah. So exactly. So I think the barrier for me come that comes up is if I'm at a restaurant eating and enjoying a meal by myself. So obviously all of us have that one restaurant or a few restaurants that we really like and you know we know exactly what we want to get. It just slaps every single time right it's you know it's already a goated meal. Yeah. Yeah. So my thing is I could either have that at the restaurant or I could just get it

at the restaurant or I could just get it to my like you know apartment and like relax and have it like inside. I think that's a bit of a coping mechanism. I will admit for sure but I think the barrier is just that why it's it feels socially awkward to have a meal by myself. I don't know outside. Yeah. Yeah. No, I genuinely like it like there was this cafe. It was called Udup Cafe in NC and it used to make me remember India a lot lot and like just go through that emotional roller coaster by myself.

roller coaster by myself. And I started going there so often uh the owners obviously figured it out that okay this dude comes a lot and then what I used to do is like before every single meal I used to just sit down and talk to them them and be like oh how's it going? How are you guys doing? what's the most uh most amazing meal that you guys have made and stuff like that. So, I think that just naturally just comes to me, I guess, because I do that every single place I go to. Like, if I'm going there so many times, I'm pretty sure the owner knows me and which is Yeah, it's such a good call out

which is Yeah, it's such a good call out also because you, you know, it's just like we discussed, right? You're putting yourself in places where probably there are other people like you, right? So, it's such a great way to socialize also, which I'm definitely missing out on by not doing this. So yeah. Yeah. No, I think that's a wonderful call out for people that are not like me if they if if if you don't mind really putting yourself out there, which is really I commend you for doing that. Um, you know, I don't think most like other than putting myself out there, I think it was like genuine things like I'm like like for example if uh I mean I think it just comes naturally but like to give you more context what I normally end up

you more context what I normally end up doing is I go there and I have a meal and then uh I was taught this by my mother wherein she would say that no matter uh who made the meal always compliment the person who gave you the meal and with at least one of the items that you liked or loved apparently and just have a conversation and because they wouldn't expect it and that kind of also shocks them in a way. So I started such a nice thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. And I started doing that everywhere I went and uh just started building a conversation and like it happened with Uber drivers. It happened with in such a way wherein the Uber drivers became my friends. They're like, "Hey, I'm going to jet ski. Do you want to come?" And

to jet ski. Do you want to come?" And I'm like, "Yeah, what?" Like I mean what? And also because of the fact that twice or thrice I got the same person. So I'm like hey why do I need to pay Uber? I can just pay you give me your number and then uh the conversation went from there. So it just it's just like the most basic thing and I think after a point at least with Darham I felt like most of the people that I met and I think every person that I met there let that be from whoever or whatever authenticity or authenticity or whatever that is

whatever that is uh every single person was just so kind. It was very very very surprising and it was yeah definitely had have had a very similar experience with just you know general purpose people in the US and like yeah just feel very lucky to have mostly come across or actually almost always come across yeah as you said genuinely nice helpful uh people. Um speaking of nice and helpful people and I understand if you cannot speak much on this but in terms of um dating or romantic relationships in the US uh any notes, thoughts, uh anything that you would like to share for our listeners? I think uh the most important thing is that you need to figure out what trajectory you are on and what trajectory the other person is on because um it kind of gets difficult. Uh it kind

um it kind of gets difficult. Uh it kind of gets uh lost in translation uh because everybody's going through different struggles. uh it can be emotional, it can be physical, it can be uh physical in a sense someone's injured maybe and they don't know what what to do like they're going to hospital and stuff like that and that takes a huge chunk of your time. Uh and honestly most people just go like oh I have 100 things to do why do I have to care about this one particular incident uh let that be whatever incident. So I think the best suggestion would be is to early on just figure out where you are in your trajectory and where the other person is because the earlier you have that conversation uh the better it is because then you are

uh the better it is because then you are not left with disappointments uh going forward. forward. That's very cool. And in terms of uh so something that comes up and and I'm sure you've seen this as well and I know we've also talked about this a little bit where we'll see like most and we'll just stick to Indian students for now. um because obviously I cannot speak for other nationalities but there's almost this tendency which I completely understand to like stay within your like Indian circles not venture too far out do things that are safe do go to places that you are familiar with um I know for a fact because of of of our association that you tend to not be like that and I also tend to not be like

like that and I also tend to not be like that but I am curious to kind of capture your knowhow around or maybe your reasoning for like what do you miss out you know by being in those by being confined in those circles that are familiar and by only talking to people that you know look like you talk like you you think like you maybe so I'm trying to really go at the foromo ele element here because because I know how valuable it is but yeah I'm really hoping that you can you know you know close that down yeah I'll give you two perspectives so uh I remember we had that conversation before so I'm going to little go and touch base on that as well. So I met a friend in the first uh introduction days of Purdue MM uh the

uh introduction days of Purdue MM uh the master's degree when everyone's here in United States and everyone's just like hey so I'm the director of the program and I'm I I'm like I'm doing a session with you and stuff all of those stuff like that right so the director of the program Eric like a very genuinely kind person so the coolest ever so he said that trust me when I say this I have been doing this for 15 years and I'm telling you go and talk to people outside of your program and people who you've never met because of the fact that if you don't talk and you don't understand where they come from for you to build a relationships which is exactly what you're here for will be extremely difficult

difficult and that changed my life and I'm not even kidding because see the thing is that I have a little bit of accenting going on right now because of the fact that I got influenced from people who I talk to in US. Mhm. Mhm. And most often what happens is that if you don't really gel with the accent is what I've faced, you don't really gel with the person. I agree. Yeah. It's just mirroring, right? It's just basic psychology. Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. And what that tends to do to you as a person, it broadens up your scope of looking at things because when you're you're looking you're an international student, your goals are pretty straightforward. You're here on a loan.

straightforward. You're here on a loan. You're like, "Okay, now I have to do a part-time uh so that I can at least pay my uh rent for the particular month. Uh even if it's not food or stay or food or roaming around and like figuring it out and stuff like that. Mhm. But what happens in that scenario is that you miss out on things which every other international student goes from.

other international student goes from. And when I say other, I I'm talking about cultures. Uh it opens a lot of opportunities because everyone is in the same boat. You're not any you're not someone who's special. You're not someone who's just like, "Oh I am the person who's going through the most traumatic experience of his life or her life." Yeah. And I love that because it can be tempting to feel like that, right? But it's it's not. No, it is extremely tempting. It's like you go like, "Oh, no, but like I don't like Yeah, it's fine if everyone is going through it, but like no, my problems are like you start victimizing yourself." yourself." Exactly. Exactly. And most often or not, it feels easier to talk to people who are going through

to talk to people who are going through the same thing. And it's even much more easier and on like a more safer space if it's not this people from the same community. And why is that? Because they don't judge you. They're like, "Okay, this person probably no idea." Exactly. They have no idea what's going on. This is a problem for you. I'm like, "Oh, yeah, dude." Like, what? Yeah.

"Oh, yeah, dude." Like, what? Yeah. Like, I don't know how to use dishwasher. Yes, it's a problem for me. So, they genuinely Yeah. And like they genuinely just like even if they're not the kindest soul ever, what they would do is that they would just be like, "Oh, okay, cool. So, here's how you do it." And they would probably take 2 minutes and then just solve the problem for you.

and then just solve the problem for you. And uh that is way easier uh for me. uh but it would be the other way around for other people and I don't really have a problem with that but my only thing is that if you stick around with the same people yes you have advantages there's a lot of advantages but then I you like my suggestion would be at least have one friend who's not from that same community because there's at least something new that you're doing and this is another suggestion that I gave a friend of mine uh who's in my batch again no I'm not going to take names but he asked me the same thing that hey like he saw that I

same thing that hey like he saw that I could talk to people and he's like how do you do that and I'm like what do you mean like I mean what what are you talking about and he's like how do you just randomly go to someone and just start a conversation and I'm like just like this hey I'm Bushan and I'm doing a master's degree in engineering management and I am ex I literally just got here and I don't really know what to do and best thing about uh colleges is everybody has been in your shoes and every single time you start a good conversation which is not chat GPT which is not saying that. Oh. Oh. What's your experience? Good night.

experience? Good night. Yeah. And it's so it's so cold today, you know. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's so cold today, dude. Like, did you see the Boilers game? Like, did you go to the basketball game? Yeah. Yeah. And uh they just start talking because everybody firstly likes talking about themselves and talking in general and there has been a time wherein they've gone through the same thing. So if you just start a normal conversation and genuine conversations don't need to be strategic they don't need to be that oh I need to get this the whole point they better not be strategic right please so like it it becomes very easy to talk to and then just start a conversation and every single time one thing that I

and every single time one thing that I wanted to leave out since you mentioned uh how my experience has been a little different is been that I don't really expect things and I don't think I do things in terms of getting something in return I always go in with an intention that hey I have things to give like it's just the way I have been brought up I guess guess uh or I've just been cultured that way by myself that when I start a conversation it would be the most randomst thing ever and trust me my really really good friend in Purdue uh for that particular semester started literally like that. It was the last day of my part time and I was just like finishing up my drawer and uh checking in the money and stuff

uh checking in the money and stuff and this dude just walks in and he's singing out loud and I'm like um okay I'm never going to be friends with that dude. So and the next thing I know I go to the washroom and he's right there and then dude just goes like hey you're in my class and I'm like what do you mean like what class? I'm in the washroom firstly. I'm not in any class. Then he just goes like, "No, you took my space, dude. That's my chair that you sit in in that class." And I'm like, "No, that's you who was giving me looks that day."

you who was giving me looks that day." And then we just started talking. Nice. Nice. And he was literally the only person I used to hang out with every single day. Mhm. Mhm. And yeah, like the most randomest conversations have just given me the realest of friends. And we never really talked about uh the mad hunt of co-op or internship. We've just been like, "Oh, you want to party tonight? Let's go. where do you want to go and something like that. So that's one of my genuine genuine suggestions because uh it gives you different perspectives in life and I think the reason why I came for masters is to get a global perspective on how people are uh what do they live like how do they live like what are their goals like my goal is probably to get a job for until

goal is probably to get a job for until unless I can get a job I don't probably have a life but then is that reality I don't think so so yeah no and I love every single thing you said around that and for at the risk of you know jifying everything like Indians do. do. Um the only thing that I want to shine a light on around what you said is every single thing of kind of every single note that you hit on there directly not only correlates to you meeting that primary goal that you referenced of getting a job etc. But it also really I feel like turbocharges that journey that you're on compared to the others. The

you're on compared to the others. The reason I say that is um as somebody that does something very similar. I like sometimes I'll have like a loose goal of um that every week I need to be talking to at least five strangers. That number can change but the you know like the main takeaway here is that talk to strangers. It's really as simple as that. And I didn't realize it at the time and that's this is not even why I was doing this but when I was interviewing for full-time roles I realized that because I've you know exercised that muscle so many times where everything that you said right don't talk about the weather just be real right just be a human that's literally all it takes and when you do that enough

you do that enough what that does is in an interview yeah sure they want to know about your skills they want to know about you know everything in the job description But I feel like at the base of it all, what they really want to know is, do I want to work with this person? If this person sat beside me for 40 hours every week, is that something that I would welcome? Yeah. Yeah. Right. And that really doesn't matter uh in in terms of how how many skills you have or don't have starts to take, you know, like a lesser priority at that point. point. Yeah. Yeah. So, this is again, don't make it about jobs, right? And I hate that I'm saying this right now, but but my point is by

this right now, but but my point is by doing all of this, right, in addition to all of the non-tangible benefits that you get and keep for the rest of your life, life, it does also literally help you for your primary goal as well. So, it's not just like, you know, it's a side quest that you're sinking 50,000 hours in for no reason. No, it it is in fact your main quest. And I think everybody's main quest should not be to pay off their loans or to get a job, but to become the best at whatever they do, right? At least to me that feels very obvious and you would probably agree, right? But anyway, to each their own. Um, and yeah, I'm sure, you know, anybody listening

I'm sure, you know, anybody listening must have taken away so many, you know, helpful insights away from this. I know I have for sure. So yeah, really appreciate you taking the time here and um you know obviously through our past association I I hope long made continue and I wish you you know all of the successes in the world. I actually have no doubt you don't even need my wishes. I know you're going to be crushing it given the path you're on. But yeah, really appreciate you taking the time and I'm so glad we did this.

and I'm so glad we did this. Thank you so much. No, it was it was my pleasure as well. It's I've been following your podcast for a while and I think I want to leave this on that note wherein I think there's like a very genuinity about why you do this podcast and let that be through whatever podcast like I see five different videos uh in like one or two weeks and every single video talks about something else and I think every it shows a lot about who you are and why you're doing this and why the whole ready set do kind of comes into picture And yeah, I think kudos on that. I I think this podcast could go miles on that. That's so kind, man. I really appreciate it. Yeah, thanks. That brings us to the end of that

That brings us to the end of that fascinating episode with Ban. I have still not been able to pull myself out to I have still not been able to pull myself out to a restaurant to eat a meal by myself. Hopefully, that will change. If you found value or if you would like to support me, the easiest way to do that is by subscribing on YouTube and leaving me up to a fivestar rating on Spotify or any of your favorite podcast apps. Something that goes a long way for me is if you share by word of mouth or by like literally sharing the link to any of my episodes or shorts with your loved ones or family or friends or whoever or maybe your enemies even. I

whoever or maybe your enemies even. I guess why not. Catch you all in the next one. New episodes every Wednesday.